Jay Debop - Retail Reporter
Emotional complexity hits the High Street
In an unprecedented multibranding venture, the ailing Happy Shopper chain has expanded into new emotional territories. Thanks to a sizable injection from vicious ginger wench (and consumer) Anne Robinson, the public can now mould their shopping experience to their mood at any time of the day or night. "I'm rarely Happy," claims Robinson, "so I've never felt comfortable in a Happy Shopper. If anything, the cheery logo and Seventies-effect colour scheme have served only to further befoul my countenance. But these days, I can shop with alacrity in Acrimony Shopper." The entire length of Queensway in West London has been demolished and rebuilt as a logically mood-branded Shopper sequence, which will be the showpiece of the chain. The stranger feelings, such as fury and lust, are found  at  the  northern  end, whilst  ennui  and	mild discontent begin to seep in as one ambles southwards. Across the road from each shop, patrons will find its emotional opposite - Jim Bowen will appreciate the chance to switch from Happy Shopper to Grim Shopper simply by crossing the road. Each shop is appropriately fitted to reflect the customer's chosen mood. "Ecstatic Shopper is mostly fluorescent and the products are chock-full of Es," says the absurd design consultant Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen. "In Hysterical Shopper, all the items are in the way, priced in Welsh and wreathed in flame. There are fools secreted about the place, a barely perceptible hiss and a hen. But my personal fave has got to be Risqué Shopper." The chain reopens at midnight, Pacific Time. "I'll be there," threatens Robinson, "cutting the ribbon with my bare teeth and toying with the public's pathetic emotions. Then I'll be straight into Reverent Shopper for some tofu and grunting."