Helwyn Jiggy - Robot Correspondent

Lucy Tusk's haunted robot (Artist's impression)

A young girl blew out the foundations of Western rationalism last night by finding several hidden dimensions inside a robotic doll. The 1:20 scale model of unpopular Star Wars® character Jar Jar Binks® had been brought from the Poole branch of Gamleys® earlier that day. We let Lucy Tusk, aged seven, tell her story of what happened next: "We got Binks out of a bin. He was only nine pounds but he has a spinning head and he walks a bit - like this - and his tongue goes out. He wouldn't stop so I told him to stop but he wouldn't, and then he did and then I saw things move in his eyes. I looked right into his face and there were floaty things and one of them was my granny." Malcolm and Linda Tusk treated their daughter's wild-eyed ravings with unstandable incredulity at first, but as Mr Tusk recounts, "we looked at it for a while and we had to concede that there was something going on in there." Their house was cordoned off as experts, including TV's Russell Grant and his three-thousand-strong army of clones, went in to sort things out. Nothing has been heard from them since, though three-thousand slight earth tremors have registered on the region's seismography equipment. We asked Britain's best spiritualist, Sandy Chod, for his reaction. "The spirits move in mysterious ways, some of which may appear silly. But it's not a good idea to mock their little foibles, as then they tend to go all nasty and horrid. I can only hope that Russell gets out of that house alive. Stuff the clones... inside the doll."